Worrying About What People Think is Ass

and normal but I am willing to be cringe for the sake of happiness (and art).

I’m under my blankets, heating pad on my feet, typing this post on my phone, and wondering how I can address this icky mental loop that’s getting in the way of my joy.

After my goal of being vulnerable comes the goal of writing one post a week about something rattling in my mind, while also acknowledging that it feels icky, cringe, and vulnerable to share.

(I should have posted this last week, but I kept avoiding it. More on that in my future post about phone addiction.)

If it feels too easy to press “post,” I’ve either lost the plot or I’ve gotten really good at sharing my inner thoughts and feelings (goals).

I am 100% NOT comfortable talking about the way I think about what others think—so that’s my topic (throws up).

On top of worrying about what people think, I judge myself for caring about what they think at all.

The reality of worrying about what people think is that we don’t actually know what anyone is thinking.

This horrendous pattern has gotten me in so much trouble. It has led me to avoid people in anticipation of them “judging” me.

I will say that this loop crops up during my luteal phase more than any other time of the month.

My head is telling me that you are thinking, “This girl is miserable and complains too much.”

The idea that I come off whiny and miserable (on my own Substack, by the way) is getting in the way of me sharing these icky mental loops I’ve been dealing with for a while.

But what if sharing the heavy stuff helps someone feel seen? If I can help just one person, then my cringe, whiny post is worth it.

I want to give myself grace for once. I’ve theorized that anticipating what others may think is a deep-seated survival mechanism. Instead of being mad at it, I want to offer it gratitude for protecting me. Because boy… did it protect me.

In my past, I had to anticipate people’s moods so that I could adjust my behavior and create the least amount of friction. Unfortunately, these were people I loved deeply.

This practice is embedded deeply, but don’t get it twisted—I am out here putting in the work to undo it.

Alright, let’s talk about the flip side of anticipating what people might think.

As a chronic ‘worry-about-what-people-think’-er, I get in a LOT of reps deeply studying people. This is a skill you can use for evil, or you can be like me and over-empathize with people to the point it manifests as physical pain. I can’t fully recommend either option.

I reached a crossroads about a year ago, where I had to decide whether to embrace the “cringe” of a juicy, creative, vulnerable life or to remain a slave to the potential thoughts of everyone else.

I chose to be cringe.

I chose vulnerability.

Someone PLEASE tell me how we can be creative without being vulnerable!

I’ll wait.

The root of me avoiding posting my creations—my songs, my thoughts—was the worry about what people would think. What my ex would think, what an old friend would think, what my friends would think… I could go on and on.

At the end of the day, people will always have an opinion. It might be better or worse than what we imagine they are thinking. But to be honest, I don’t know any happy people who talk crap about people sharing their art.

There’s nothing you or I can do to change how people view us. So we might as well do the thing.
Write the song.
Create the newsletter.
Paint the art.
Move to the new city.
Cut that person off.

If it’s in alignment with the version of ourselves we imagine—if we get that deep “HELL YES” in our gut when we think about it (maybe with a side of worry about what others will think)—then maybe, just maybe, we should do it anyway. Afraid and all.

Worst-case scenario, they think we’re nuts.

I’d rather be utterly nuts in someone’s mind than sad and unfulfilled because I worried too much about what they’d think instead of creating.

Go fucking share your art.

Love you,
Phephi

(In the spirit of cringe, listen to the audio version of this post for a surprise and intentionally CRINGE surprise at the end)

What I’m Feeling ~~

I am so deep in my fall bag. 🍂 Anyone else?
+ I have Qveen Herby on REPEAT!!!! Super witchy fall vibes. I literally have a Spotify playlist called “Lucky Witch Fall” and it is 90% Qveen Herby. Huge fan. She is literally one of the few artists I will push through my sensory issues to go to a concert for. If you need some magic this fall, she’s your girl. Here’s some stuff from Halloqveen 2024 + me and my bestie Savannah.

What I’m Listening To~~

Obitchuary - Qveen Herby

“Everyone in the room got chills
All my dark secrets I spill
Don't you really wanna know the tea?
It's the up-leveling for me
If you dig and you chase your dream
Now and then you gotta bury things”

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Listen to my music if you’re feeling generous 🥹